Wear purple

Wearing purple does not mean you support peoples sexual orientation but it does mean you don't think they should be bullied for it..You don't think they should commit suicide for the things classmates have said to them...Might even be for the same reason I am wearing nothing but purple today.
I'm wearing purple because I'm not that one that in the end matter,so why should I judge now. They are gods creatures and god will be the judge in the end. I am not going to bully someone who is doing no harm but let some rapist have a easy life..which one would you have the most problem with? No one should commit suicide but which would you rather leave the earth an innocent person who prefers the same sex or a child molester? Simple pick huh? So why are so many gays committing suicide but not many rapists and molesters are? The answer...our generation of youths. Don't judge until you know. Its not even right to judge a murderer until you know.
No one deserves to be bullied when teenage years are already hard enough.
You are trying to find yourself,trying to be true,trying to be the best you can be...all at the same time you are being bullied. Your trying to succeed,your trying to be tough your trying to be the best.
Teenage years-lets not forget the relationship heartaches,the homework up to our ears,the parents who didn't wanna quite let go,learning to drive...It all hits at once. Its some of the toughest years of our life,why are we letting others make it even harder?
Speak up.
Speak loud.
Be someones rock.
In the words of Ellen D.-"The world is changing.. And you should be around to see it." =)

Randomness on a rainy day

• Is it just me or is celebrating anything under a year in a relationship is just teenager like?
• I forgot how hard it is to get into Gothic pants...if the straps are in front you gotta try and step over them practically killing yourself just to make sure they are in the back where they belong...Just sayin'
• Its an amazing feeling to have a hubby at-least 2% committed...lol EXAMPLE-I went to take the garbage out,he had done it,I went to give the cats water,he had done it,I went to put dinner away,he had done it...LOVE that.
• My kids are gonna send me to the loony bin!
• I wanted to let people know that I am not being anti social...but I do not celebrate Halloween or Christmas...so I won't partake in anything that has to do with it. And I DO call things winter things where people thing of things as Christmas things. I take Winter shots of the kids,I decorate for winter...that kinda stuff. Just clearing it up.=)
• Mafia hats can make anyone look sexy!
• *Claps* SO happy about the Chile miners that all got out. Just not sure if the fact of one bringing there to see him get out was his wife and his mistress...is that true????
• My comfort zone is not just one place. =)
• I'm looking forward to snow for one reason...Flashy lights people...that's right...flashy lights! 

That sums things up for random thoughts! =)
Just a rainy Friday here with two kiddos who are being kids but also being kids who are pushing their luck!
Joe won't get out early like he usually does on Fridays which sucks because we have more things to discuss and a weekend to begin!
Just realized things are revolving around 3...3yr anniversary...and I'll be 23 this month...hm.
Gonna leave you with a few more pics. =)

Voices from the heart

I want someone to grab my hand and lead me
Sweet smiles and bright sun
Kind words and and compliments
Daily love
An older version of you
A newer better version of the old you
I want someone to walk through the bad with me
I want someone to hold my mind still 
My heart to skip a beat when our lips meet
My voice to crackle with pride when your name appears
I want to rush to the bathroom to put that red lipstick on
To then make my mark on you
I want surprises 
I want letters closed with a kiss
I need that companionship
No more imaginary friends
Its you and I

Steal my eyes away
Take my thoughts too a new place
Put your touch on my gifts
Think and miss me when your gone
Call me baby when I'm down
Put your arm around me
When another guy comes around
Never break a promise
Laugh harder with me
Then anyone else

Fight to help me
Fight to hold on to me
Never let go
Never let me go
Remember the vows
Remember words spoken
Breathe in my ear soft spoken words
Graze my neck with your gentle lips

Kiss me hello
Kiss me good-bye
Love me hard
Care harder
Take a step back when I'm mad
Take a step forward when I cry
Remember what I have given up
Remember who I can be
Remember what you do that I can't
Remember how much I try

My words are kept
Lock and key
Love more
Pick the pieces up
Hold them gently
Remember...I am human too.

Shots of Life.

Hold you over until I get a permanent camera. Still missing mine.

Lets play makeup together

What a title huh?
Thats how I feel...feeling like adult time.conversation..what ever is few and far in-between. I would love to just lock myself in the bathroom and give myself a complete makeover and I could because that would give Joe time with the kiddos but I feel really odd leaving my kids for just 20mins.
I know the whole not sleeping all of a sudden after Joe leaves is not helping. Not sure what my problem is...well wait...I know half of what it is...I watch the news too much...*sigh*
Mentally,my mind is just taking its toll on me. I keep thinking things that I then over-analyze or am wrong about. My mind keeps telling me somethings not right...and usually its my gut that tells me. Joe and I are just not getting where I want to be...fast enough. Thats aggravating and messing with my head. I am not a person who says one thing and does another. I am not someone who hold back a full hand of aces,I deal all on the table. I tell my feelings easily. When I go in and work out a problem or attempt to fix a problem it better work and stay that way or I get mind wondering and frustrated. Example: Joe and I have started Lingerie Friday nights. So guess what that means,if he all of a sudden didn't want that or made an excuse not to or something that would bother me because our words to each-other was that this might help get the ball rolling into the right pocket. Or if I told him to stop fibbing and he said he would and didn't that little type of stuff really pisses me off. And fibbing is one of Joes faults. So with nothing changing,my mind and heart is not where I want it to be. Granted unless your a prince all around,I won't treat you like one. Joe could be a 10 at-least in my eyes if he would step it back up. If he has someone who does what they say they will..then why can't he do the same? If we fight and I say..well I will do this or do that or what not...you bet your ass I do it. I believe in strong relationships..I know *gasp* didn't think I had that in me huh? Well its true..my word..words coming out of my mouth is good enough for me to change,I don't need to promise or pinky promise or kiss and make up to do what I say I'm gonna do.
It don't matter with Joe. He will not change or help the relationship so frankly...not sure it can be saved at this point.
This week has gone good but when I think about what went good..Joes not in the picture....That even at my young immature age of 22..does not sound right to me. Cuddling before bed and laughing during a few shows...that makes me smile to think about...but then I think about the negative....and that makes it all start again....
Enough about my rotting marriage.
Random thoughts.
-My kids are doing excellent. No sickness's. Sleeping at night. Still worried about how much milk Stefano drinks during the day. Outside time seems to get shorter and shorter with how cold it gets at night.

-Just saw my friends wedding dress. I've known her for about 9yrs,and she moved back to the state with all her family...and I just don't think financially I can make her wedding....breaks my heart. She looks gorgeous in the dress.

-Tomorrow I hope to get some cleaning done and just clear my head....maybe blast some music and have some silly,getting out emotion time.   I'm in all honesty a alone type of photographer. I am a amateur photographer and not an editor so I hunt and snap snap pics till I get a good one or one I like. No editing usually. What brought that up was thinking about cameras and how the 365 is going. Everyone's shots are thought out and edited....can't you just step outside and find something to take pics of? Don't get me wrong I do love the site and the people on it are nice.Just something my mind has been thinking about.

-I can not wear black pants...somehow they show everything! Haha.
-I gotta clean some toys as my son had fun with baby lotion yesterday.

Well I am off to get the kids from their nap. =)
Tootles.

Tag sale!

As I write this,Joe is outside dealing with 4 costumers. We won't make much off this tag-sale because its really just a end of the year,getting rid of our junk type sale..lol. But we have made over 20 bucks.
So beautiful out. Love October. Did I mention that? hehe
At the end of the day,I guarantee there will be a free box at the end of the driveway,things will not be re-entering my attic. =)
Good mood so far,little snappy this morning but sadly as gangsta looking as Joe is...hes a little high maintenance lol..I just wanted to make tag sale signs on cardboard so it wouldn't bend or anything in the wind...he gave me every excuse in the book on why it wouldn't work and he HAD to spend money on poster-board and time to get the poster-board. Oy! Men!
Kids are down for nap/quiet time. Stefano did excellent last-night. Never got up and went down pretty easily.
I would love..going to be really honest in this next random sentence...I would love to start my Esty store thingy so I could have extra money for Lingerie and under garments. I LOVE feeling girly and sexy. I love knowing that's under my clothes will make a guy melt...well half melt since I am a tad overweight...barely any stretchmarks but I got the belly instead. I only have 4-5 pieces of lingerie...for a person like me...that's not that many. I got to get my act together and start working on the stuff I want to sell. =)
I love writing happy note,positive,none ranting posts! =)
So any-who I gotta make a drs appointment soon,since this rash thingy on my hand is getting worse and now its a pain,can't touch water with it at all because it then hurts,all the little cuts hurt...Then I gotta go make sure some moles are not cancerous.Yay.
Now that I took this long to write..the kids are up and eating lunch. Haha I am slow at these things,I start writing then get up and do stuff.
I organized all the folders in our room that had papers in it that I think we might need. Job well done. Now once the tag sale is done it will be organizing the attic.
Well Off to catch up on Facebook.
Tootles.

Depressed

Man am I a bear without my camera. I like stepping outside with it and just entering my own world when I take pictures....
When it rains it pours.
Joe is still acting distant which is annoying. Claims its stress. Hes always been stressed and that never stopped him before. I could turn him down because I knew he would ask the next day or in an hr lol. *sigh* ranting on won't change that. Talking to him don't change it.Being nice don't change it. I give up. Gonna act like a nun from now on and see how he likes that. Conservative Raven. It works for other people. Bitch.
SEE I told you I am horrible when things just keep happening. My camera is one thing but then to find out Joe was about 300 dollars off what he claimed his paycheck would be. That ruins things. Acting like a know it all.
One good thing is tonight is suppose to be us time. One of our shows is premiering tonight and stuff but I guarantee you nothing rated R will happen. This is ducking stupid! Complained that I don't put out too much,complained and FOUGHT with me when I said no...now hes playing the little wussy. Him and the chick that's pissing me beyond off would make a great couple!!! Ugh! Sorry I'm doing it again...ranting and raving about something I obviously can't change.
Oh the things going through my head. I wanted today to be a good day but thinking about my convo with Joe last night that got no where. The fact that tomorrow I wanted to go picture taking. The fact that my competitiveness has to be put on hold because once again the shit happens to me while queen can't take a freaking compliment is walking around with a perfect life even though shes bugging me and irritates a few different people....one day I'll tell you who she is but today is not that day because its still on like donkey Kong!
I don't care what other people do,say,act...but I always pick this one person that just brings out the competitive side of me which is good and bad.....good because it makes me do things and think of things I  might not have if I was not competing...but then I tend to not like the person and I tend to get very angry if I lose or start too.
Just so frustrating. This house should not work the way it does,it should work better like the kids should have been somewhere this week. Joe should not get stressed about things he causes.I didn't deserve to lose my camera(selfish remark,but no one deserves to lose their camera so its not like this is all about me) Financially we should be okay,Joe needs to stop acting macho when he ain't even close to a man. Told everyone he makes 12.50 an hr turns out he makes 12...but you know its okay when Joe lies. *$&#$&!

Trying to turn my mood around really I am. Gonna do some cleaning. Enjoy the weather. Must think positive. Must have a good day. Must not come off as someone whose angry and selfish and just a bitch. I'm not normally like that. I'm blunt don't get me wrong but that's it.
Deep breath. Thanks for reading haha I prob wouldn't even read this. This one really was a "Raven woke up on the wrong side of the bed" post. Although I really am feeling depressed about my camera and what its taken away...I'm only slightly mad at "her",slightly mad at Joe and a little peeved I don't have money. And I want my son to talk. Those things are whats really on my mind and of course for the 200th time. The lack of Joe and I closeness in this house. But hey who needs sex but once a week,right? oy...Kill me now.
I'm leaving so I won't rant on.
I will write a thankful post in a little bit since it TGIF!
Tootles