Sunday, October 23, 2011

Wishing other

I am so sick of being negative all the time in posts but I don't trust writing anything other then the bad and ugly and I know if I do,what Im writing won't really mean much because an hr later the idiot will mess up again.
The newest thing is the lack of communication. We use to be the best at it. I use to brag and smile thinking about what I had. Now I just want him to die so I can move on. Harsh I know. He either walks away,drives away or never actually listens. He use to let what you were saying set in and he would never let things go to far or walk away or anything. He use to register what you were saying,say what he wanted,work it out then we were fine. Now there is nothing that goes into his brain and registers. NOTHING. Example if he thought I was being obnoxious and I explained to him why or that I didn't mean to be that this is maybe why he thought that or what I really met or what not he would straighten his tone out and understand,he might complain one more time or say something else but then it was fixed or ignored/dropped. He actually use to drop things. Now nope not unless hes high. 
I am a domestic person. Working is not for me. Not unless I could find just the right thing.  If I had the support that most people have Joe and I would have divorced 2 years ago. Or I would scare him,leave one night hes at work. But one wants to even talk to me about things.
Its the little things but its the little things I always said I would find in a guy that make me happy. He has to do and mean what he says. Believe in hard work. Be grateful. Think rational. Be the best of the best dad. Not lie. Be loyal.  And want better.

He blames everyone. He never stops to realize he has changed and so has the relationship between us.

Another thing that I finally just told him lastnight was when we fight or not even fight if maybe something is just off or we are just not seeing eye to eye it would be nice if he didn't throw me into the parent den....Sometimes I need to sit in the truck with music or have time to myself or leave. I can't always be the best parent when I have so many emotions running through me. But like right now his phone is off and hes gone even though today is half over,his kids need food and to get out of the house and here I am throwing shit at walls trying not to completely go psycho because he makes me have to be the parent all the time and he never has to be the parent and when he is he sucks ass at it. I left him alone with them Sunday and my house was a mess,kids got into things they shouldnt have,he never played with them,their meal was horrible,they hadn't had dinner yet....He was all about himself yet he gets to do that all the time. He gets to have real convos with people without watching and yelling at kids. He gets alone time 24/7.

1 comment:

  1. this sounds know why...haha