I am still alive

Phew,Been awhile since I could just sit down and type my little heart out.
Joe had a four day weekend...it went horribly.Him and I could not get a long if we were paid too. Was horrible on top of the kids having colds and no heat or hot water.
It got fixed today. The story is,it was a setting on it and no one knows this boiler since its the only one they have ever installed,so they are still learning. Its a energy/green type boiler. I love it,but what I don't love is how easily it has problems and how the techs know nothing about it just the main boss does. Makes it hard.
We got about 10ins of snow maybe less maybe more. I was not that impressed. It happened all at night,there was no drifts. I love snow no matter what but it bummed me out a little.
Joe has a 4 days weekend this weekend as well..so we will see how well this goes. Me and him just dont work as a team we get stressed over things instead of being a team and working together. I am also 100% we don't bring out the good in each-other. He smokes way to much for someone who claims to adore and love his family. He does not change in the way he needs too. Not all his fault as its about how he was raised. I feel a little hopeless. As there was 2 amazing weeks of just pure perfect. Getting along,no walk outs,no mess ups,no anything. It was great. Then bam. Old Joe is back. He can't seem to keep his old single lives in his moms basement self away for longer then 3 wks. Its frustrating. You know it could be perfect. You know you could have it all but theres that one thing keeping you from it and its Joe and his old ways,his habits...his thoughts. The way he does things is not the way an average married man does things. Ah well I could go on and on but don't have the energy.

So a lot want an update on Miss A who caused a lot of drama by hacking my blog and writing things,I never said.
I have kept my cool,she wanted to talk once and I listened but didn't dare open my mouth as I knew I would threaten her until I was blue in the face and I hate doing that. I will never forgive and whats worse for her is I won't forget. She will always be nervous to run into me or something. Thats okay with me. Keep her on her toes. End of it. Nothing else has been talked about. I'm over it. For now. =)

Nothing else has really been going on. A lot of negativity it seems. No food stamps and we get around 500 from them and this month they messed up so we never received them..thats really hurting us financially. Comcast a month for us is 219 dollars or so..A MONTH! So we are trying to cut that down. Just little things that are starting to test our patience.

One with me is my dad. Everyone says it,even my mom that he can not keep snow-blowing the driveway,its a long one...YET they refuse to lower the price on their house and find a small -more manageable home for the two of them. And its hard as they both complain about not being able to get out,dad not being able to do this or that. I mean hes 80!!! Why are they not bettering themselves or changing the way things are. Move closer to town,it saves gas,you can usually get out a lot faster,get a small driveway,my mom can get high speed...I dont care what town they go too. Go to Bennington. Heck who cares just stop playing woe is me and wanting everyone to do things for free for you. Its embarrassing as they at one time was not like that..well dad has always taken thing from the church but not sure Mom has been that way. We are family and we are the closest so we will help as often as we can but it hurts the purse strings. I understand they do the family gatherings alot but people with 1 bedroom lofts with dining room that only sits 2, still entertain,they can down size just a bit. It would help them so much. *Sigh* its aggravating to watch and aggravating because if you point this out they defend their ways then the next day one of them or both are complaining about life. I complain about mine but I can't change it but I am also not making it worse. They keep getting into debt yet now live off food-stamps. *Sigh* Love them. Just wish they would listen to someone. =(

Well the wing is whipping and the kids are getting into things. They have not slept all night through for 4 nights so I am hoping tonight with the heat being on again,they will. Fingers crossed.
Tootles

Pictures

New changes

• I deleted my yahoo account that I have had for...9yrs...that was hard it was even named after my bunny.
• I discovered the truth.(That will come later on in this post)
• Trying to overhaul this place to make it more cozy.
• Joe and I are trying a new path and if it does not work- Its the bid D time for us. I will explain in this post.

So not big big changed but stuff that makes life feel off the tracks..Makes life seem like its winning at kicking my butt when really I am just taking control of it. I just need to get use to change.

First and foremost..My family. I have spent 2 weeks going on 2 and a half weeks working with people trying to figure out why I got cussed out by my niece and why my sister well would like to see me in a body bag lol. Turns out for a whopping 2hrs there was a post up that did nothing but bash my sister and her living arrangements. I will explain as much as I can. A friend of mine finally FINALLY came to me and said listen I saw the post but when I went back in to make sure it wasn't you who wrote it,it was gone. So I started talking to her and she told me what she could remember about it and said she knew it wasn't me by the typing,by my anger over something she knew I only knew very little about(that would be Jakob,my nieces dog) She goes "Hillary you have met Jakob once,I knew there was no way you were angry over anything involving him"& "You have never wrote about your sister negatively until that post so I knew something was up or you were on some type of drug" she Lol'd.THANK GOODNESS someone knows me,she was just scared to come to me as she thought possibly Joe had written it and then bam it would be a killing in my house.Once she realized it didn't add up to be Joe she contacted me. Let me know what she saw let me know what she could remember. I'm sitting here thinking and thinking and thinking...then it clicked! An old diary! Then one thing led to another,some research,some stalking I admit. Some thinking and recapping and BAM I realized an old enemy who had always had my old and I do MEAN old blog and a diary I wrote with her and a friend,I realized some of the stuff written was in that diary from when I was 14! At 14 I hated the world. Nothing about Jakob,nothing about how my sister treated animals,nothing that she wrote was in it. But I did love simba and he was in there if I remember right I wrote something like "Simba is so fun but he jumps so much but anything is better then the dog next door i think its a doberman and he always looks so mean when i watch the kids during the day i dont let them out back as the dog scares me" I wrote "I cant stand greg from up the street he wants to hang around whitney who wants to hang around me when I am watching my niece and nephew and i cant stand that as then my sister gets mad at me" Things 14yr olds write. Well some little %^$%^$&^* who is mad at me for being happy! Jealous about my kids and husband. Decided a nice prank would be okay. GUESS WHAT it ain't. I know she can still read this unless she is too ashamed to show her face and if she can. I dare you too test me again when it comes to family. I literally thought my sister was either losing her damn mind or lying when all it was,was a 20yr old playing games. My pwd has been changed. I am trying to rekindle relationships. I am keeping this a secret as what is done is done. She did something unethical,stupid,childish and she thought she would get away with. I will be the better party and not say her name but if anyone asks I will...I will tell them exactly who they are. I can't stand what happened. People are feeling low about how they acted,apologies had to be made,thanksgiving was a tad awkward because of all this. And it was just a prank to you? Nah don't meet me,Don't let me see you... I complained. I vented about something I shouldn't have the only thing I thankfully did not do was snap back at my innocent niece. The minute I finish writing this I will try to forget. I will move on. I will go back to blogging about what I want too. I will stay the bad guy if I have too. Its not worth any stress. Mystery Solved. I win again baby.End of it.

Joe and I are rocky. I want a change or a divorce. That simple. Who I let down is who I let down. End of it.

Cassey did not work out because he made my anxiety worse. I am still a huge animal lover and I think before I act which is why I always do a trial first. He already has a new home. =)

I moved my living room around and love it so now I am trying to get the same vibe in the rest of the house that you get from the living room now. Easier said then done when you have no space and no money.

Still no food-stamps. How they can make us wait like this because they switched their computers around and their system is not our fault so how can they make us wait. 13 days with no food-stamps the food supply is low. All thought I am bummed it will get better and I am not going to tell everyone and ask for pity unlike my stupid husband keeps doing....something that must change. I hate that. I hate saying things to get people to give or feel bad for us. 

He took my truck again..his car all of a sudden is not good in snow. BULL. If his dad hadn't been a sweetheart and bought it for us he would be telling me how amazing his car is. But hes controlling,jealous and selfish. Something again we have too work on.

If anyone notices he does it not me. So please dislike him not me. I try hard to indulge in other people. Listen to them.Talk about their life and stuff.

OH and how he acted at my sisters almost made me hit him over the head with one of her kitchen chairs. Walks right in and starts just grabbing stuff like "I'm taking one of these" or what ever he did it so meanly and rudely. I took as little food as possible and drank as little as possible. He did not. He acted like he hadn't ate in weeks. Hes always good with the kids BUT he just comes off like..well...a big fat obnoxious jerk. Completely made me just realize..we gotta talk before I never take him anywhere again. And that he must have been raised in a cave! I love him. And we have come a long way but there is still things that just need too stop. My family comes first and for him to act like that was unacceptable.

I go thursday for my Depo shot. Another 3 months down.

Well think thats enough writing for tonight. Will post tomorrow about how the talk between Joe and I goes and things.

Much love

Tootles

What makes my life easier

So I thought and noticed things that make my life easier. And I'm thinking more of the not so common things. Of course internet,phone and tv makes it easier and more enjoyable but these things I think we sometimes forget or don't realize help.This is my list.

1. The Cone. So much power,takes up little space and makes little messes a breeze to clean up
2. Swivel head on my faucet. I don't have a hand sprayer? Not sure what its called, on my sink so the swivel head makes things a tad easier.
3. Bread machine. It saves money and makes my house smell so good.
4. Recycling. Saves me garbage bags.
5. Chest freezer or upright it don't matter. Being without one I now realize that to stock up and by all 10/$10 deals and to by in bulk...with out it..is very hard to accomplish these things.
6. Dryer sheets. Let me explain,My moms old washing machine there is a place to put softener and you can put it in,in the beginning so its not trying to make sure you get to the machine during what ever cycle and blah blah. I have never figured out the key to putting in softener with a machine that does not operate like my moms. You put it in during rinse cycle? Or during the wash? What happens if you miss it and it goes through before you get there? 
7. Calenders. Need I say more?

Theres more I am sure. But thats what I noticed just tonight.

Now I realize everything we have in this generation and even the little things matter and help in some way. =)

Tootles

No words

Recipe

Chocolate chip cheesecake bars!

1/2	cup cold butter
1	pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® oatmealchocolate chip cookie mix
1	egg
2	packages (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened
1	cup sugar
2	eggs
1	teaspoon vanilla Heat oven to 350°F. Spray bottom of 13x9-inch pan with cooking spray. In large bowl, cut butter into cookie mix using fork or pasty blender. Stir in 1 egg until mixture is crumbly. Gently spoon 3 cups crumb mixture into pan; press into bottom of pan. Bake 15 minutes. In small bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar, 2 eggs and the vanilla with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth. Pour over cookie crust. Spoon remaining crumb mixture over cream cheese. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown and firm to the touch. Cool 30 minutes. Refrigerate at least 2 hours or until chilled. For bars, cut into 9 rows by 4 rows. Store covered in refrigerator.

To do list

You ever feel like that to do list just won't get done??? I'm feeling that way.
All thats on tomorrows is:
Put Freecycle stuff somewhere and put it all on the site.
Weatherstrip the bedroom window.
Put the window plastic stuff on the mud-room window. (the stuff that keeps the cold out)
Wash bedroom window and living room door.
Clean kids closet.
Clean up the front yard.
Finish  up laundry.
Take shower with the really sweet christmas lights on. I love putting the lights in the bathroom that are all trippy.
Clean up and find homes for things that are floating around in the way.

That should do it...But will it get done...I have no idea. I had to fight with Joe all day just to finish a project. Hes just now finishing putting up the lights he started 2hrs ago.

Very excited for the Steeler game tomorrow night! Steelers vs Ravens! Woot woot!
Anywho just trying to wrap things up as the kids bed time is in 15mins. Anxious to upload my photos,Theres one person though I am just getting this snobbish better then everyone else vibe from and its a shame. Had to get that off my chest. Few photos again.

Tootles.

More tomorrow.

In todays news

Hello!
So much to update on!
We just went shopping to get the kids some new toys courtesy to their Grandpa. Joes looking up upgrade his tools as below I will show you that hes trying to build Thumpy a little house for winter.
Biggest news is my new truck! Its a 2000 and my first car was that so we automatically have a connection. Its a suv technically and its the same as my old one but nicer,newer and a diff color! I will have a pic below of it.
I still hate Joes night shift lol. More money or not I hate it.
Joe is getting his car aligned as I type this so hopefully he will start using that a bit more. Now with the safer truck he wants to visit his family more but I refuse to go unless he gets his Mass thing taken care of and we can go that way instead of through gangville NY not the real name its just full of gangs and I feel like I need a 22 to get out of there alive. Thats the thing with Joe something that should be happy and a good time and bring us closer will separate us because he listens to no one or cares about anyone really. Today he fought with my in Walmart in front of people told me he was trying to get away from me..VERY embarrassing then left without me...YUP thats the kind of guy I am dealing with. He came and apologized after once he realized there was no need for a fight and that I was right...but that does not change the fact that he just wanted to fight instead of listen or talk out the problems right then and there. So all of that caused us to get home after my mom showed up and left again because she couldn't understand where we were. So I am hanging out by myself now. If we can not work on how to be a normal well functioning couple I am through. I have had enough guys not know how to communicate and said sorry way to much-when they wouldn't have had too if they had just taken a moment and thought.
We each also got 50 bucks from Joes dad and I haha went and bought what I am always buying! Thongs...HAHA sorry but thats just me. I love underwear and lingerie I can't help it! I also bought knee high black heeled boots!  And Joe bought a carton of ciggs....and now has no money for a drill....Ugh! Pisses me off. I thought some things would be a wake up call for that guy but nope. I know it has been for me. I try to eat healthier,keep the air around my kids and I  healthy (HARD to do when you have a smoker around you!!!),keep things clean,take care of ourselves....You get the picture.
I dunno I just want to kick back and love my family and Joe makes that very hard too do...And I am not sure if I should take that into consideration...I wrote him this huge FB message a few days ago...WHICH I never do and thought he would really understand and maybe get how just off the wall upset I have been with his actions..NOPE 5am he gets up for a cigg...WHICH he never did before...today he fought with me over nothing...won't take care of himself..he looks like a damn wolf man since he has not shaven or taken a shower in over a week...YES this is what I live with. I'm gonna be buying more lingerie and hes not going to be the one seeing it,if he don't get his head on straight! Venting. Its not that I don't adore and love him. Very proud of him for this job and not having a hissy that his dad bought a truck what I say for the kids but for me and not Joe...BUT the not being attractive,and the whole smoking and spending money things have to go! On top of the already porn addiction thing...I'm having a rough time. I am a little too cute for someone to go to porn. NOT being cocky,I just know that I am not wearing turtlenecks and mom jeans...I got meself heels,leggings and v-neck sweaters baby!
Of course another thing on my plate is my body is so stressed and not eating right-like not full meals right because food-stamps CUT us off due to Joe not turning in something so now we have to wait before we can have food in our house. I am barely finding enough to feed the kids but they come first so I will eat PB if thats all we got.Lol. No joke I am not wanting a pity party,like Joe went on and told everyone about it. I am fine with waiting and seeing how we do. Its my body who hates it lol. And so my period is all messy,I know I know..I usually don't have one but this month I do and its spotting...ANNOYING! I think its over then BAM I am not. I hate that crap. I get the shot between the 10th and the 24th-that is if Joe makes the appointment...Last-month he stole my health insurance money...*sigh* I married the wrong guy. I feel guilty about it I feel ashamed....I cry more then I have ever cried in my life over this... BUT I don't want to talk about it or go there.Again I don't want anyones sympathy or pity. Just letting my mind roll and my fingers type.
I gotta do some more cleaning. Still no vacuum. I might lose it before I actually get one. I vacuum about 3 times a week and a dust bust 2-3 times a day...so not having either is sending me over the edge.
I bought some pampered chef at my moms party. Can't wait for it to come in.
Lets see I want to re-do our bedroom decor(we can't paint) when tax money comes. I feel like its not really a calm relaxing place....
I really want snow! I have pictures to take. Been slacking there. A lot of normal,every day,set up type pics instead of nature. Still sticking to my no editing rule lol.
I am absoutly in love with freecycle.org! We might be getting two recliners. =)
Also I am over people acting like they are poor but really are not....you cant keep your same habits and then expect to pay things on time and get yourselves caught up. Jeeze.
Ah I feel better. Anyway leaving with some pics and off to clean I go!

Tootles!