Heartbreaking!

Another vent..I couldn't hold it in.
I deal with a lot...My anxiety keeps me from doing a lot,making friends,I don't call people because I get really nervous..I get so frustrated with myself I have to fight urges of cutting off almost every day..Going out is a project....Well come to find out My mother and her best friend did nothing but bad mouth me...if I see someone in my place my heart goes out to them because being afraid or lonely or nervous is so hard...they were making fun of me about how my truck just stays in the driveway so why would we need a second vehicle which we decided to hold off on anyway...how can you say that to me? How can you make fun of me when its hard to deal with that I don't drive many places...I have not that many to go too...I drive and when I need to go somewhere I do. Joe usually takes it so its not just sitting in my driveway they then said stuff like "lets go buy a vehicle just to sit it in our drive way since they can do that" stuff like that... and when it is in the driveway they should both know by now I handle the nights better when theres a car in the driveway...but thats just something else for them to pick on me for...just like my mom picks on my for wearing my shoes all night...when Joe is at work..I know it sounds really funny and really stupid but to me its something that helps my anxiety....Why make me feel stupid about it? They are no help to my anxiety at all no wonder my mom didn't get me help. She still acts like its all a joke. Yes because I love wearing my shoes to bed...yes I love being anxious all the time...yes this is all a joke...haha the gig is up you caught me....................... Only if it was that easy and that simple.
Now once again where our money goes is being questioned. Just recently I got told how my mother is going to do what she wants and if it cost her she should be able to do something for herself...that makes sense and I have no place to say anything and its something fun for her- so if Joe who works 10hrs 4 days a week 5 weeks like this week,has busy busy weekends,supports me AND MY ANXIETY should be able to also get something for himself right? Well because of how people are acting he did and he did with my FULL permission. He now owns an x box,4 games,2 controllers and a kinect. End of story. Are we still in debt. NOPE. His Joes credit finally on the right track YUP and we still could get something for the man of the household.
We are young this is our chance to learn from mistakes... but to be in debt because of dumb things at the age they are suppose to be retired and loving life they are acting like jerks and look silly. You can't complain about money then go and buy this that and gas here and there. I don't complain. I love where we stand right now,hopefully it will continue and get even better if we stay on the right track. Where is the support where is the love? They don't vacation,they dont indulge in there grand kids MY SISTERS KIDS INCLUDED I wanted to get my niece something HUGE with her moms permission of course for her graduation -go half in half with my mom NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted her to have things for a lap top maybe even a lap top if she needs it maybe a camera again if she needs it...anything she needs to pursue on with college or what ever her dreams are we could provide her at-least a start of course again with my sisters permission..BUT NOPE! So I look like the major moron. My sister will never know I had these big thoughts for her child to make sure they all know we are here for them...how is anyone suppose to know my mom is there for them when she rarely acts it these days. Frustrating. I hate bringing up that family in my blog because I feel like I am talking behind their backs lol so enough but I am very proud of my niece and my family in that aspect.Regardless.End of story.
Anyway..just not sure how too feel. Not sure what to think. I should not cry because of my mother and her comments..I should not find myself upset because of people who at one time met the world to me. I should not feel like the black sheep. Left out. Made fun of.
My words are just lingering in my mind now...hard to even process what I want to say....Very upsetting.