V-day

I always secretly liked the thought of Valentines day...I think dinners,sexy lingerie,I love you and hearts should be apart of everyones life all year, making one day devoted too it-is cute.  Surprises,romance & love. I'm not a mushy gushy person but I never say no to gifts and sweet little surprises. Problem? Three out of like..well dont worry about that number of exs have been sweet on Valentines day. I think I could have just been happy with what my husband did this year if in the back of my mind I didn't think he was completely thinking about another chick. His wife(me) was sitting on the computer with about 4 sites up that had sex toys,fun couple things,not sinful but things to try as a couple and explore. He could have cared less. Bought a dress and heels,nothing. Even told him what I would like and nothing. I feel like if I was 50lbs lighter (I only need to lose 30 before pre preg weight tho) all that sexual stuff would mean so much more to him. I hear that any guy loves when their spouse gets into the sexual side of things,explore,willing to try new things...Ive always been like that but for him to walk in on my looking at anal beads.....I would think that would make me worth a little bit more then his thoughts of this girl he met at work. *Sigh* no these things don't embarrass me and if I have to talk about my whole life to get out what needs to get out before I explode then fine. Don't like it? Don't read.
No woman should be mad or sad on this day. I am furious. I woke up to him gone last night a few times so I thought I would find something sweet for me in the morning because god forbid he let me sleep in on the biggest couple day all year....Today is the day you show love...not good with that but I have no problem getting my freak on and wearing things I would never wear out in public and just down right having a fun,funny& loving day. He wants to send the kids to his parents next week,WTF is next week???? nothing Today is Valentines day. And his parents really don't even want my kids they refuse to come get them I am not driving three hours home thinking about their faces as we leave with out them. Stefano is not stable enough for that. NO ONE offered to take our kids this weekend or today so we could have a lone time. Lets just be honest my whole freakin family sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except a few. But they all live far away.
All I have heard about is people plans for v-day and how their husbands love the holiday basically because their woman changes into a freak lol. I am one most of the year so imagine what I would pull out today or even yesterday. NOPE we have had little to no alone time because he decided to do the truck on the two days we should have had a nice amount of adult time. Douche. Then Lastnight I think he acted single if you know what I mean so I am just done being married. I have no idea what a married couple should act like,I have no idea how happy I really should be and I know I could make a guy happy because I am not shy behind closed doors and I know how to cook and clean lol. I love football,I love greasy food,exercise,dancing,video games....I got this. Joe hates all of that. He was more intimate when my friend stayed here and he could secretly think about her and her walking in on us. Thats sick and wrong and I am fed up with him. He should know that as I let him leave with no hesitation. I'm not talking...I always talk I have the last word when I'm angry.
So in conclusion. Joe has made me feel that if I was skinnier,sexier,younger looking,nicer,nicer voice and I dunno what else because I thought I did everything I guy likes he would have done something sweet for valentines day. He would have been a freak too...but I am none of those things.

Off to have a messed up rest of the day. Hope everyone else has a good v-day.