Depressed

Man am I a bear without my camera. I like stepping outside with it and just entering my own world when I take pictures....
When it rains it pours.
Joe is still acting distant which is annoying. Claims its stress. Hes always been stressed and that never stopped him before. I could turn him down because I knew he would ask the next day or in an hr lol. *sigh* ranting on won't change that. Talking to him don't change it.Being nice don't change it. I give up. Gonna act like a nun from now on and see how he likes that. Conservative Raven. It works for other people. Bitch.
SEE I told you I am horrible when things just keep happening. My camera is one thing but then to find out Joe was about 300 dollars off what he claimed his paycheck would be. That ruins things. Acting like a know it all.
One good thing is tonight is suppose to be us time. One of our shows is premiering tonight and stuff but I guarantee you nothing rated R will happen. This is ducking stupid! Complained that I don't put out too much,complained and FOUGHT with me when I said no...now hes playing the little wussy. Him and the chick that's pissing me beyond off would make a great couple!!! Ugh! Sorry I'm doing it again...ranting and raving about something I obviously can't change.
Oh the things going through my head. I wanted today to be a good day but thinking about my convo with Joe last night that got no where. The fact that tomorrow I wanted to go picture taking. The fact that my competitiveness has to be put on hold because once again the shit happens to me while queen can't take a freaking compliment is walking around with a perfect life even though shes bugging me and irritates a few different people....one day I'll tell you who she is but today is not that day because its still on like donkey Kong!
I don't care what other people do,say,act...but I always pick this one person that just brings out the competitive side of me which is good and bad.....good because it makes me do things and think of things I  might not have if I was not competing...but then I tend to not like the person and I tend to get very angry if I lose or start too.
Just so frustrating. This house should not work the way it does,it should work better like the kids should have been somewhere this week. Joe should not get stressed about things he causes.I didn't deserve to lose my camera(selfish remark,but no one deserves to lose their camera so its not like this is all about me) Financially we should be okay,Joe needs to stop acting macho when he ain't even close to a man. Told everyone he makes 12.50 an hr turns out he makes 12...but you know its okay when Joe lies. *$&#$&!

Trying to turn my mood around really I am. Gonna do some cleaning. Enjoy the weather. Must think positive. Must have a good day. Must not come off as someone whose angry and selfish and just a bitch. I'm not normally like that. I'm blunt don't get me wrong but that's it.
Deep breath. Thanks for reading haha I prob wouldn't even read this. This one really was a "Raven woke up on the wrong side of the bed" post. Although I really am feeling depressed about my camera and what its taken away...I'm only slightly mad at "her",slightly mad at Joe and a little peeved I don't have money. And I want my son to talk. Those things are whats really on my mind and of course for the 200th time. The lack of Joe and I closeness in this house. But hey who needs sex but once a week,right? oy...Kill me now.
I'm leaving so I won't rant on.
I will write a thankful post in a little bit since it TGIF!
Tootles