Sad Sad

Not having a camera is going to make me the worst person EVER too deal with. I was holding on to that camera and indulging in it more and more. Main reason was it would let me get one after taxes came back that was SLR,so I would have both types of cameras. The fact I had pictures on it,is annoying. The fact I can't remember what really did happen to it,pisses me off. Did the kids throw it out? Or did Joe drive off with it on the hood of the truck? Just simply bothers me. I reach for that thing all the time.
I'm camera hunting,with no money of course but I am doing my research and to be honest I just want mine. There is one upgraded camera thats the same one just a tad bit better but its $200.... Not sure I want to spend that much. If it was a SLR I'll spend a thousand or better one day but for now I just want to capture my ideas,nature,my kids and family occasions. Really upset. Words can't express how disappointed in myself I am.  The night everything happened I was talking about it and how I had to hunt for "workers" for the 36f theme this week and did I think to say "Where is my camera" no,did anyone look for it no...and that night we could have found it/saved it. Everything happened Wed. The garbage got taken and Joe drove off with the truck too work.
Depressed over a camera. Ickest feeling because people are like "You don't act like this over something important" or they think I'm acting immature. My camera distracts me from a lot. It soothes me in a way that nothing else has ever done. And its a small talent of mine...and god knows I don't hold much talent. Lol. I love being creative,and I have ideas but getting those ideas made...well that's the hard part for me.
Joe bless his heart almost bought me a $600 dollar camera...He's trying but he just does not understand I'm so angry and pissed off that its hard to find a camera that is speaking to me right now. Its hard to make a decision I wasn't going to make until March or so.And there's a chance the idea of spending this money won't work out. Oy! Got to wait for Joe to get home to see how his paycheck is and if he paid rent and blah blah. The day is dragging by! 
High anxiety again. I think its a mix of the weather,there is a few people that I am worried about and wish I could help more,Been in the house since Monday. Joe leaves but why would he ask us to go along that would be silly.Watching the news...also not my best move. =/
I'm a camera whore...I want my camera BACK. I am not selfish..so just buying one with money we really don't have...is hard...and I don't have a cell that takes pics and can be put on the internet. And my cell is strictly for Joe and I...hehe..... 
Well off to see if I can find me a camera....for the 5th time today and 9th time all together. I found one that I really liked but it does not have a rechargeable battery and I can't have that. =)
Write later
Tootles.