Lets play makeup together

What a title huh?
Thats how I feel...feeling like adult time.conversation..what ever is few and far in-between. I would love to just lock myself in the bathroom and give myself a complete makeover and I could because that would give Joe time with the kiddos but I feel really odd leaving my kids for just 20mins.
I know the whole not sleeping all of a sudden after Joe leaves is not helping. Not sure what my problem is...well wait...I know half of what it is...I watch the news too much...*sigh*
Mentally,my mind is just taking its toll on me. I keep thinking things that I then over-analyze or am wrong about. My mind keeps telling me somethings not right...and usually its my gut that tells me. Joe and I are just not getting where I want to be...fast enough. Thats aggravating and messing with my head. I am not a person who says one thing and does another. I am not someone who hold back a full hand of aces,I deal all on the table. I tell my feelings easily. When I go in and work out a problem or attempt to fix a problem it better work and stay that way or I get mind wondering and frustrated. Example: Joe and I have started Lingerie Friday nights. So guess what that means,if he all of a sudden didn't want that or made an excuse not to or something that would bother me because our words to each-other was that this might help get the ball rolling into the right pocket. Or if I told him to stop fibbing and he said he would and didn't that little type of stuff really pisses me off. And fibbing is one of Joes faults. So with nothing changing,my mind and heart is not where I want it to be. Granted unless your a prince all around,I won't treat you like one. Joe could be a 10 at-least in my eyes if he would step it back up. If he has someone who does what they say they will..then why can't he do the same? If we fight and I say..well I will do this or do that or what not...you bet your ass I do it. I believe in strong relationships..I know *gasp* didn't think I had that in me huh? Well its true..my word..words coming out of my mouth is good enough for me to change,I don't need to promise or pinky promise or kiss and make up to do what I say I'm gonna do.
It don't matter with Joe. He will not change or help the relationship so frankly...not sure it can be saved at this point.
This week has gone good but when I think about what went good..Joes not in the picture....That even at my young immature age of 22..does not sound right to me. Cuddling before bed and laughing during a few shows...that makes me smile to think about...but then I think about the negative....and that makes it all start again....
Enough about my rotting marriage.
Random thoughts.
-My kids are doing excellent. No sickness's. Sleeping at night. Still worried about how much milk Stefano drinks during the day. Outside time seems to get shorter and shorter with how cold it gets at night.

-Just saw my friends wedding dress. I've known her for about 9yrs,and she moved back to the state with all her family...and I just don't think financially I can make her wedding....breaks my heart. She looks gorgeous in the dress.

-Tomorrow I hope to get some cleaning done and just clear my head....maybe blast some music and have some silly,getting out emotion time.   I'm in all honesty a alone type of photographer. I am a amateur photographer and not an editor so I hunt and snap snap pics till I get a good one or one I like. No editing usually. What brought that up was thinking about cameras and how the 365 is going. Everyone's shots are thought out and edited....can't you just step outside and find something to take pics of? Don't get me wrong I do love the site and the people on it are nice.Just something my mind has been thinking about.

-I can not wear black pants...somehow they show everything! Haha.
-I gotta clean some toys as my son had fun with baby lotion yesterday.

Well I am off to get the kids from their nap. =)
Tootles.