What I've learned

People ask me why I'm mad instead of "Whats wrong?" I realize this is more then likely my fault since I'm 100% RAWR.  I speak my mind and I do get angry easily. I go by two things that most people don't like: Never leave a job unfinished or a problem unsolved. I've been told I over-analyze,I think to much....not sure why that gives everyone a free pass to just assume I'm angry and only have one emotion.

I might be angry at the world lately but I'm not being snappy to anyone. I let my neighbors borrow things,put a smile on for family,get dressed every day,there for friends who need me and pushing myself to loose weight..all at the same time I want to answers to my questions and while having days I just hate the world.  It all ties into my brothers death..I'm angry days because I feel like he had a million talents and I can't find one...Remind me why I'm still here and hes not. I have sad days when I realize my family is not close...as close as it would be if he was here. I have my days where people all around me annoy me because all I really wanna do is sit and talk to god about why he chose the path he did for Keith. I know I can't.I know my answers will never be answered. And when I sit and think..its the worse. I realize 20yrs have gone by....20yrs of tears...20yrs of flipping through photos of him. 20yrs of distance with my one and only sibling left.20yrs of questions. Yrs in between of almost taking the same path.Yrs in between of cutting.Yrs in between of pushing to be something I wasn't. Its a bigger picture then I'm just mad. =/

Enough today is Friday,My favorite day of the week lol. I gotta admit I dressed like its 70 out or something and its only 52....oops.Hope it gets warmer. Joe didn't sell his car to that guy,he FINALLY started getting the bad feeling I had,had the whole time.Hes gotta trust and listen a little more to me. Should be out of the negatives as of today.Yay!!! But I have no rent money...scary and gonna be really hard to catch up now.

Well must find a health breakfast...workouts alone is not gonna do enough. =)

Tootles