EXPLICIT AND SEXUAL CONTENT

Please,I do not want to offend anyone but this will have sexual stuff in it. Its my life and I need to vent about it. When you have no where to go but up you need to make sure you start somewhere and a clean pallet is where I need to start. So I'm letting it all out even the stuff people don't wanna know. So if you think you can not handle it please do not read,I don't want to be judged or shunned on nor do I want to offend anyone. Thank you!



NOW Lets talk about the game called life


Okay lets remember I'm 22 and even though I have two kids that has never gotten me to change anything about my sex life or how I dress. So as many moms are in mom jeans (actually not many of my friends are like this so don't think I'm talking about in one in particular)Many don't want to wear the butt hugging jeans unless they are out on a date with the hubby..I'm emerging from my bedroom in heels,mini skirt and low cut shirt,yelling at my husband "Why did you not put out last night?"Which brings me to my point,Joe owes me for the last 3mos of fuck ups and he's letting me down majorly!! Mentally we are working on it,that's going to take a very long time,psychically though he could be complimenting me,no matter how I look because of what he did...he went to profiles of people,he went to porn,he created a site..the list goes on and on. He needs to let me know he looks at me and only me...none of that. Sex..GOOD way of letting someone know,"Hey I'm changing and I'm a horn dog and now you are gonna be my addiction" OR something along those lines....He does not work weekends..usually that's our time to take it to the moon and back if you know what I'm saying. NOTHING this weekend..I got pinned up against the fridge and made out with once but THAT WAS IT! Yes that's a common thing in our relationship. It just peeves me that a guy who owes me big time,is yet again letting me down. Tried talking to him like everyone says to do. I'm a good communicator I have no problems talking to my husband,its him who has the issue,I mean he talks but half is usually lies. He told me it was from stress...let me tell you,he had NOTHING to be stressed over. I did but no I was horny 24/7!! I know I have my sweat pants and tank top moments but Joe needs to love that and be true to me. He's making me think other things which is not what I want. I'm sick of wondering and being sick literally to my stomach. Who the hell taught him to lie so damn much. Who taught him to give into addictions so easily. I love love love mechanics but I ain't screwing everyone I see....Some women really do have that issue but he found a gal who does not but at the same time is a lady ga ga in the bedroom so he could potentially have it all and hes nothing but a fuck up!
Why not cheat? Eh I've really thought about it. I KNOW....GRRRR. I'm already working on revenges on his stupid Italian ass. No worries he refuses to even care about me let aloe whats in my mind so he won't read this,even though he use too. People who change for the worse just piss me off. He use to be 100% devoted and fun(in the sexual way) now hes freaking 23 going on 53 and doing stupid shit. Now I mean no offense but this really irritates me,someone who could care less about their looks,care less about their femininity,Could care less about communication and working things out,sex is every 2 weeks for them....gets a great man!Its true good girls seem to get the bad boy time,like the either want sex a lot and could have fun with sex or the bad boy type like I have that is an asshole to his family. Then bad girls,get the devoted,forgiving,loving,horny guys!I know it makes little sense to you but in my head and my way of thinking lately it all makes perfect sense.Ugh! I want the old Joe back or I don't want Joe at all. I have came to that conclusion laying awake thinking dirty thoughts.=) After awhile you start to not be so laid back and I know Joe sees that,I watch very intently how he acts around any women now,and the slightest thing you will find a look of death on me,I watch what he does online a lot more..that's not me and I hate being that way. Another thing you never want to think things that upset you..thinking "Is he flirting" "did he just stop at her picture?" is really hard,people don't realize you don't want to think that way but when peoples habits keep forming so do yours.
Its also hard when you tell someone how down  hill things are becoming..and the only thing you get in return is feeling like he couldn't care less. One time you were on top of his list of priorities now your way down on the sea urchins bed. *sigh*
Thanks Joe for not caring.
Thanks Joe for not giving a damn.
Thanks Joe for being weak and giving into trouble.
Thanks Joe for not holding on.
Thanks Joe for making me feel single again.

I hate you.